My sweet new obligation

I think I am happy.

It came over me very gradually, starting last Thursday when the big D was final. I think I woke up this morning and really felt it. It was this slow, building understanding, like watching the dawn arrive on tip toes. A voice in my head whispering: I am my own woman. I make my own decisions. No one expects anything of me or is relying on me to do anything. I feel it from my head to my heels. A freedom in my body, my mind, my heart, my soul.

I am free.

I have my friends -- but those obligations are so sweet and voluntary and usually fun. I have my family -- but obligations in my family are so few, so rare, and even then, done out of love. I have my job -- but those obligations are my vocation, my passion.

Other than that, I have only myself. My new, sweet obligation: "To thine own self be true." I don't even have pets or plants to distract me from that mission. I am truly my own woman. Free to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I ever desired.

With this freedom came a calm. I found out my ex has a girlfriend of a few months -- 15 years younger than him and in another city. I felt so calm about that, and actually relieved and happy for him (I was definitely not upset which surprised even me). I heard from Schmucky Mojo Married Guy. Fine. I can hear from him. Suit yourself. You're still married so what do I care? I heard from very-shy-and-sweet-but-it's-complicated salsa guy. Awww. Gosh. I heard from now-separated-and-maybe-we'll-get-together-when-he-comes-to-town-or-maybe-we-should-meet-in-Miami guy? That sounds right up my alley. He's taking salsa lessons! Yum. I heard from hot-overseas-and-a-bit-horny-but-can't-wait-to-see-you guy. And he's coming to town soon. Oh yes he is. Can't wait for that. Then young Jewish politico wrote and proposed a meet-up. And why not?

It's all sweet. Cool. Nice. And me? Calm. These are a cornucopia of choices. But I am free to choose all of them or none of them or one of them. I am just drinking from a fountain of freedom. And you know what? So are they. They have no obligations either --I am only obliged to honor what feels good and is fun for me and therefore ensures my partner-in-crime is having fun too.

Now that feels so goooooooooooooooood.

So what do I desire? Hmmmmm..... I'll get back to you on that. But I will say, my freedom to choose means the sky is the limit. Watch out birds, here I come.