My last ex-husband post?

So, the divorce was final last week. The night before, my ex came over to my place. We had beer and snacks, and talked for about two hours. We had one of those, "So what did we learn?" talks. What did we learn from 10 years of marriage? About each other? About ourselves? Relationships? Happiness? Unhappiness?

This is what I would definitely call a "closure talk." We each discussed things we did wrong, could have done better, did right. What we miss about each other. What we don't. Why it didn't work out. How sad it is that we are split up. The thing that struck me the most was how much he had to say to me. He was overflowing with things to talk about, from his family and job to current events. It was like he had saved up these things since the last time we talked. When I asked him what he missed most about me, he said it was our conversation. That was quite obvious by the end of the night.

But in two hours, I was tired, we were talked out. When we said goodbye, we hugged and we both cried. But it wasn't a longing, or feeling that we would try to reconcile. It was just a goodbye. A final goodbye to our marriage.

Now, a few days later, I feel the finality. I am not linked to him anymore. We don't have keys to each other's places. His house -- what had been "our house" -- is no longer mine. I have no claim to it, to him. I will shed his last name. Most tangible traces of the last 10 years, erased.

I talked to a buddy of mine who is also separating from his wife after 10 years. They have two little kids. He said it feels like he's Rip Van Winkle -- waking up after a long sleep, and now he's back where he left off when he was 27.

In a way, I agree, But the truth is, I am a better person for having known my husband and been married to him. He changed me, mostly for the better. I hope maybe I changed him for the better. I feel like I know what I did poorly and can improve on for next time. I hope he learned something too.

So, I decided I won't look at it like a lost decade. Instead, I get to find and be myself again. I don't have to censor my gregariousness, control my passion for salsa or not see my friends that he didn't like. I had married an introvert -- I have decided to only date extroverts, and so far, that's been a lot more fun for me. Sometimes, I see through these extroverts, however, why my husband would get annoyed at me. But it's nice not to be relied on to be the life of the party all by myself. And I am stronger now than ever before. A lot of things that used to bother me seem so insignificant now. If I have my health, my home, my job and my friends, all is right with the world. Some good sex now and then helps too.

So goodbye to my ex. Hello to the next. Keep calm, carry on. And all that jazz.